F.R.I.E.N.D.S.H.I.P
Well firstly i want to thanks god about having such a lovely friends around me its start when i was in jhs till college and they make my life more brighter. I always convince myself that if i have them in my life, my life would be easier. Is that you guys think so about me? Or its only me who think that youre as precious as i thought. Well i dont want to make this complicated, but recently i feel like friendship are going to be really hard each day. Hard to keep them always around you. Like you're not that important to them :( i feel sad and i feel so unacceptable :( like im not someone's priority not anymore :(
And its starts when my long holiday coming.... And somehow i think that maybe i feel sad bcs i dont have any activity to do and feel so bored then i plan such a pretty big holiday with some of my friends. Its starts from my jhs friends, shs friends, and college friends. But everything that we planned (or its only me) failed. And theres so much reason for it for each person and at first i just feel like "oh thats okay its her business its her priority its so whatever) and then All of my friends All of our plan are forever a plan. Theres no one between us have such a time to see each other and i really fed up with this. Im so angry bcs friendship are not important anymore.
For all the time i always keep myself calm, but i can't bear with this any longer. I miss them but i always feels like its only me who seems too excited about our meet up and its only me who plan this out and they're just think about themself, me too i have my own business but i think about us too. Is that so hard for you to only make a plan become real?
Maybe i was too angry about them but i really disappointed right now :( i knew that we all have so much things undone but why this is so hard for us to have such a quality time together? I even make myself do such effort to buy my friends gift cause no one of my friends care about it:( eventho they're pay the gift but none of them pay attention about it like i have to looking for it all alone no one want to accompany me ok. Thats okay if none of them will accompany me. But the truth that they didnt give me any idea what kind of gift i would buy, what kind of surprise we will give or do we need to buy a cake or something else? Theres no conversation like that, like hellooooooow im here always to hear you guys story but why did you do this to me? :( i did ikhlas for it. Eventho i ALWAYS try to looking at their own perspective but i have no clue. Cause if i was them (and maybe theres nothing will disturb us from contacting at each other) i will view and reply my friend teks who's looking for accompany and maybe i will say that "well i will accompany you if i have a spare time but now or tomorrow or maybe another day i have the things undone, but ill reach you if i have a spare time" But the fact that its me its not them and the way they react i feel so dumb and useless and become too useless cause i talk to my hand.
And then i want to go watch a movie with my friends. But my friends thought it was a joke? Like what? She cant make herself going out with us but she teks us really like serious want to go with us. And. Im just "iyaaaaa thats okay" but deep inside i feel a bit insecure cause this is not my first denial. And then my another friends did the same thing but different case and at the end my plan failed for idk how many times.
And then the other ask me to go to a far place and then accidently one of our friends cannot going with us DAY -1 before we go then we plan to reschedule and unfortunately one of my another friend told me that she have a class everyday at campuss and idk everything back to only DISCOURSE and hell yeah im tired and i dont want make myself expect high. Not again.
Actually i didnt want to see myself feeling irritated, full of anger or im being too sensitive about it. i know that the use of being in holiday was to chill and relax at home but im bored and my friends talk about an awesome (or ordinary) holiday in holiday so that was the thing that i want to do in holiday and i feel like i'am wrong about anything cause when i see someones holiday in instagram or path it aint easy like i used to see it really awesome but yes me are not them and their friends arent like mine its different and bcs maybe its not their problem its only me who think its too complicated, and maybe i have so high expectation about all of my friends, about everything that i've seen about friendship isn't the same things than the way they thought it will be, maybe they have a different way to show how friendship it is or i always try to be positive but at the end remember all of their react and respond like that i just feeling so unnecessary :( and for right now i wont expect anything anymore. And maybe i need to make my holiday more useful than the others. I need to do something i need to earn money exclude my main jobs perhaps. And when i need to entertain myself its not by hang out with my friends but really a full of me time. Yes. Its stupid to always hang on people when all you can do its to entertain yourself. I can go watching movie alone. Shopping alone. Do whatever i like and dont hang to you guys schedule. Cause a friend will spend time with you
My so kegalauan tonight
- pssssst this is secret.
And its starts when my long holiday coming.... And somehow i think that maybe i feel sad bcs i dont have any activity to do and feel so bored then i plan such a pretty big holiday with some of my friends. Its starts from my jhs friends, shs friends, and college friends. But everything that we planned (or its only me) failed. And theres so much reason for it for each person and at first i just feel like "oh thats okay its her business its her priority its so whatever) and then All of my friends All of our plan are forever a plan. Theres no one between us have such a time to see each other and i really fed up with this. Im so angry bcs friendship are not important anymore.
For all the time i always keep myself calm, but i can't bear with this any longer. I miss them but i always feels like its only me who seems too excited about our meet up and its only me who plan this out and they're just think about themself, me too i have my own business but i think about us too. Is that so hard for you to only make a plan become real?
Maybe i was too angry about them but i really disappointed right now :( i knew that we all have so much things undone but why this is so hard for us to have such a quality time together? I even make myself do such effort to buy my friends gift cause no one of my friends care about it:( eventho they're pay the gift but none of them pay attention about it like i have to looking for it all alone no one want to accompany me ok. Thats okay if none of them will accompany me. But the truth that they didnt give me any idea what kind of gift i would buy, what kind of surprise we will give or do we need to buy a cake or something else? Theres no conversation like that, like hellooooooow im here always to hear you guys story but why did you do this to me? :( i did ikhlas for it. Eventho i ALWAYS try to looking at their own perspective but i have no clue. Cause if i was them (and maybe theres nothing will disturb us from contacting at each other) i will view and reply my friend teks who's looking for accompany and maybe i will say that "well i will accompany you if i have a spare time but now or tomorrow or maybe another day i have the things undone, but ill reach you if i have a spare time" But the fact that its me its not them and the way they react i feel so dumb and useless and become too useless cause i talk to my hand.
And then i want to go watch a movie with my friends. But my friends thought it was a joke? Like what? She cant make herself going out with us but she teks us really like serious want to go with us. And. Im just "iyaaaaa thats okay" but deep inside i feel a bit insecure cause this is not my first denial. And then my another friends did the same thing but different case and at the end my plan failed for idk how many times.
And then the other ask me to go to a far place and then accidently one of our friends cannot going with us DAY -1 before we go then we plan to reschedule and unfortunately one of my another friend told me that she have a class everyday at campuss and idk everything back to only DISCOURSE and hell yeah im tired and i dont want make myself expect high. Not again.
Actually i didnt want to see myself feeling irritated, full of anger or im being too sensitive about it. i know that the use of being in holiday was to chill and relax at home but im bored and my friends talk about an awesome (or ordinary) holiday in holiday so that was the thing that i want to do in holiday and i feel like i'am wrong about anything cause when i see someones holiday in instagram or path it aint easy like i used to see it really awesome but yes me are not them and their friends arent like mine its different and bcs maybe its not their problem its only me who think its too complicated, and maybe i have so high expectation about all of my friends, about everything that i've seen about friendship isn't the same things than the way they thought it will be, maybe they have a different way to show how friendship it is or i always try to be positive but at the end remember all of their react and respond like that i just feeling so unnecessary :( and for right now i wont expect anything anymore. And maybe i need to make my holiday more useful than the others. I need to do something i need to earn money exclude my main jobs perhaps. And when i need to entertain myself its not by hang out with my friends but really a full of me time. Yes. Its stupid to always hang on people when all you can do its to entertain yourself. I can go watching movie alone. Shopping alone. Do whatever i like and dont hang to you guys schedule. Cause a friend will spend time with you
My so kegalauan tonight
- pssssst this is secret.
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